She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drake has all the answers
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
