I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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