Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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