if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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