he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
