I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
