only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
