do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
