Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
