Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
