i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
