Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
