Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
