Cold hands, warm shart.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
