Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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