Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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