my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize