Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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