You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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