its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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