Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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