I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you never un-have a 4some
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
