it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
