I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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