Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
