A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
