she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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