just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize