All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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