There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if only i could text you this smell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
