When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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