i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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