Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
