Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
