I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
