I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
