I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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