I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
