threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bring me that man meat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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