Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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