Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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