i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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