i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
