shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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