I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
zippers are such a cool invention
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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