You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
