I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
