She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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