I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
