FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
