I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
