I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
