If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
