don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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