i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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