Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
