My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
