having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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