I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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