I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
