uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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