Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
