Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
