Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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