Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
