Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
