He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
