you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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