Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
