So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
