Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
