I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
