i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
