you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
