Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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