Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
