I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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